What if trials of this life are our mercies in disguise

Journal Entry 2/17/19

Last Sunday Chelsea Badal gave a lesson about sacrifice.  We talked about sacrifices people have made to get to the temple and other sacrifices people make to come closer to Christ and receive blessings of his gospel.

We each talked about something we could sacrifice to the Lord the following week. I had decided that I would sacrifice some sleep and wake up early and go to the temple.

On Saturday morning I got up early, it had been snowing all night and so the everything was snowcapped and beautiful as I made the drive to the temple. I was able to take my 8th great grandmother's name with me.

It was a really neat experience and I left with the most peaceful feeling. As I was driving home in the car I was skimming through the radio and on a Christian station they played a song called "Blessings" by Laura Story. Here are the Lyrics

"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise"

It made me think about life and how I view trials.  How instead of being fearful of them and hoping that everything will just go smoothly, I felt I wanted to be more open to them and look at them through an eternal lense of faith and learn and grow from them. What if it is those certain trials that help you get to where you need to be.

One of my favorite General Conference talks is called "Wounded"by Neil L. Anderson

He talks about how everyone will sometime in their life experience certain mental, physical, or spiritual wounds. He talked about how the peace of the temple is the soothing balm to the wounded soul. How it projects our brief moment in mortality on the the wide screen of eternity. He says "Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal."  How only through our Savior Jesus Christ we can be made whole again.

It gave me a new clear perspective to not fear trials, and to not be surprised when they come, but to know that no matter what trials come, with Christ's help and the Gospel I can always make it through them if I'm willing to change, grow, and become better from them.

TESTIMONY

I'm grateful for the temple. I literally do feel renewed and healed whenever I go. I'm grateful it's so close to our home. I'm grateful for a living prophet and apostles to have their guidance and council. I'm grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I know that Christ leads and guides the church through a living prophet. I know he loves all God's Children and that we are all brothers and sisters and are here to learn and grow and help each other along the way 😊 life is pretty amazing.

Too good not to share❤️

“I Have a Work for Thee” https://www.lds.org/study/general-conference/2017/10/i-have-a-work-for-thee

Triathalons and Motherhood

Yesterday I participated in my first triathalon, it has always been a goal of mine to do one. I have a few close friends who have done XTerra  the previous years and invited me to do it with them. It seemed the most fun to me bc it consists of an open water swim, mountain bike, and trail run in the mountains. 😍 So I decided to sign myself up and train as much as I possibly could with our busy schedule. It took sacrifice, and it took committment and hard work. When race day was approaching I received some good advise from a triathlete that said "this is your race, don't worry about those around you, just remember it's your race."
 
When we reached the starting line, put our wet suits, swim caps, and swim goggles on I felt pure joy and was surprisingly not nervous but so excited and ready to go! They blew the horn and I waited a little bit for a bulk of swimmers to go so I didn't get kicked and then headed into the water! Here we goo! The swim was super fun, I probably wasn't the prettiest swimmer and definely did the back stroke a good part of the second half but my goal was to enjoy it so it went by quickly and I didn't feel too tired. Then we ran up to our mountain bikes, changed our wet suits, grabbed some fuel and put our shoes and helmets on! The ride started out great and it honestly felt like I was just playing in the mountains. I literally kept thinking to myself, this is one of the best days of my life! This is so dang fun. We climbed and climbed and climbed on our bikes from pineview reservior to snowbasin on the trails, I ended up biking behind a petite women who I thought was around my age from the back but then on her leg it said 50 (they put your age group on your leg) and I was shocked! Dang this lady is kicking butt! So we ended up talking and she told me that her brother used to always love this race, but passed away a few years back in a ski accident. Their family has continued to ride the race for him since. It was neat hearing her story and made me want to be that active when I'm in my 50's . My legs started to feel fatigued come mile 9 and my little Trek bike is about ten years old with not the greatest suspension but she was holding her own! Lol so we continued to snowbasin and we're getting closer to the next transition. I felt so ready to get off my bike and start the run. Little did I know what was coming with my run......

It made me think about each stage in life. How sometimes we are so ready for a new stage in life, when really where we are at is an amazing stage to be in. It made me want to soak up each stage of life a little more and not be wishing for the next stage...

Back to the race.. Snowbasin is in sight and then I see Alex and my kids cheering me on and also my friend Jess! I was so happy to see their cute faces! I get off my bike and head toward my running shoes, hat, and belt, then wave at my kids and head for the run! Straight up the hill we run on gravel and I no longer feel like I'm just playing in the mountains, 😖 this is HaRD my body is fatigued, my legs are toast, and I still need to run the 5k.. so up we go half running half walking. All I can think about it getting back to my family at the finish line and I know I can't quit now so I pick up the pace a little. At this point it's mental and I am feeling it, not knowing when this climb is going to end! Then we finally make it to the peak where they have a fueling station and I drink some Gatorade, a fellow runner looks at me and says "I just want to lay down right now" 😂  then heads down the trails! It was all down hill from there I got a terrible side ache from drinking the Gatorade and am just trying to breath deep in my nose and out my mouth! It finally subsides a little! I hear the announcers and know I'm closer to the finish so I pick up my pace a little. Finally we come around the last bend and there are people cheering, some friends from my husband's work are calling my name and then I see Alex and my kids!! Max runs with me to the finish line! The announcer says "Here comes Anna Miller from just over the hill in Ogden!" It felt so good to be done! We walked over to a fueling station, talked to some friends.. I did not feel hungry at all, but my kids were and all the racers got free food so I went and got food for my family in Earl's lodge.

We sat there, they ate, and I felt so so sick and nauseous from some watermelon I ate at the fueling station at the finish line!! I just laid there for awhile in a sweat and then all I could think about was getting home in my bed! So we grabbed my bags from the pick up station, grabbed my bike, I puked on the grass...and we headed home....

Motherhood..
My oldest wakes me up. "Mom we slept in! We need to get ready for school!" I roll out of bed, my hair in a rat I hurry and grab my other son's clothes and get him up. I throw some toast in the toaster and rushingly sign their school papers and help them comb their hair and brush their teeth. "I can't believe I did it again," I say to myself. I've desperately tried to be a morning person 😅 because I know my sweet kids need a strong mommy, who can be ready for what's coming that day. How I strive to be as my own mother was. Always dressed and ready, and cooking breakfast for us in the morning. She had 7 children, I have three.. why do I struggle so bad with this mom life thing? I love my kids so much, and yet It's definitely the hardest thing I've ever done, harder then any triathalon, harder then any puking on the grass. Yes thriathletes are heroes to me. But the real heroes, are Mothers! I watch them. I admire them. I want to high five them all because this is no one day race...or 26 mile run... This is an eternity of responsibility for making good decisions and teaching these little people healthy habits and nurturing their gifts and talents and spirituality.

This is a 24 hour 7 day a week job that can make you feel as if you are running a never ending marathon. Although it's hard. It is so rewarding. What would life be like without these little eyes staring at me each day, wanting my attention, wanting to play, wanting to show me their new art project or share some fact in the book they are reading. I don't want to know what it would be like. Although it's hard, there is so much joy, there is so much love, there is so much of everything.. everything I ever dreamed life could be. Harder then I ever dreamed things could be, better then anything I ever imagined. I'm not really a triathlete.. I am a Mother💪 It takes sacrifice, it takes committment, it takes strength, & it takes a whole lot of faith that God will strengthen you along the way and guide you to know what to do. ❤️

Our Inner Olympian

The Olympics were so fun to watch AMIRITE?! I'm so amazed by how incredible these athletes are...like the fact that they can move their bodies the way they do is UNBELIEVABLE!  They make it look so easy. They are beyond talented.

What we don't see during the Olympics is their life of training.  Falls, broken bones, blood, sweat, tears, maybe even times where they felt like failures. They persevered through it all, they put all their focus and their energy on improving their specific talents day in and day out over their lifetime so they can compete as these amazing Olympians. We are lucky enough to get to witness all the hard work added up in to one or two specific competitions.

It just got me thinking... how do I Channel into my Inner Olympian? ha! We all were born with specific gifts and talents that are unique to us. Why do we spend so much energy comparing ourselves or our gifts to others when each person is so different. Are we spending more energy focusing on the things that we may think are lacking about us?  Or are we taking the gifts and talents that we have, whatever they may be, and spending our time and energy improving them? 

"I Have a Work for Thee." -Elder John C. Pingree Jr

President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “Before we came [to earth, we] were given certain assignments. … While we do not now remember the particulars, this does not alter the glorious reality of what we once agreed to.”2 What an ennobling truth! Our Heavenly Father has specific and significant things for you and me to accomplish (see Ephesians 2:10).

These divine assignments are not reserved for a privileged few but are for all of us—regardless of gender, age, race, nationality, income level, social status, or Church calling. Every one of us has a meaningful role to play in furthering God’s work (see Moses 1:39).

Some of us question whether Heavenly Father can use us to make important contributions. But remember, He has always used ordinary people to accomplish extraordinary things (see 1 Corinthians 1:27–28; D&C 35:13; 124:1). “[We] are agents,” and “the power is in [us]” to “bring to pass much righteousness” (D&C 58:27–28).3

I also love what Joy D. Jones said in this past General Conference.

Joy D. Jones in Value Beyond Measure

“God is your Father. He loves you. He and your mother in heaven value you beyond any measure. … You are unique. One of a kind, made of the eternal intelligence which gives you claim upon eternal life.

“Let there be no question in your mind about your value as an individual. The whole intent of the gospel plan is to provide an opportunity for each of you to reach your fullest potential, which is eternal progression and the possibility of godhood.”2

Despite this marvelous truth, how many of us struggle, from time to time, with negative thoughts or feelings about ourselves? I do. It’s an easy trap. Satan is the father of all lies, especially when it comes to misrepresentations about our own divine nature and purpose. Thinking small about ourselves does not serve us well. Instead it holds us back. As we’ve often been taught, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”5 We can stop comparing our worst to someone else’s best. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”6

In contrast, the Lord assures us that when we have virtuous thoughts, He will bless us with confidence, even the confidence to know who we really are. There’s never been a more crucial time to heed His words. “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly,” He said. “Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and … the Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion.”7

Elder Paul E. Koelliker taught, “As we remove the distractions that pull us toward the world and exercise our agency to seek Him, we open our hearts to a celestial force which draws us toward Him.”13 If the love we feel for the Savior and what He did for us is greater than the energy we give to weaknesses, self-doubts, or bad habits, then He will help us overcome the things which cause suffering in our lives. He saves us from ourselves.

Let me reemphasize: if the pull of the world is stronger than the faith and trust we have in the Savior, then the pull of the world will prevail every time. If we choose to focus on our negative thoughts and doubt our worth instead of clinging to the Savior, it becomes more difficult to feel the impressions of the Holy Ghost."

I know I have had plenty of times where I have had negative thoughts about myself or my abilities to accomplish certain things... I can be pulled into a dark place, a place where I can't feel impressions of the spirit. Where I feel like God is so distant. Now I realize it is not God being distant, but it is me putting my energy and focus on distractions of the world, my own imperfections, or focusing on the negative things that I can't control. Thats what the adversary wants. He wants us to be miserable and focus on all the things that we can't do, instead of putting our energy on all the things we CAN! 

So I don't know about you, but I'm ready to Channel into my inner Olympian and fight as hard as I can to put ALL MY ENERGY into ways I can improve my own gifts and talents and follow the purpose God has for me, no matter how hard or simple they may seem sometimes. To put my energy into thinking positively about myself, to serving and building up my children, my family, neighbors, and friends. I'm ready to quit comparing someone else's best to my worst, and fight to have the spirit in my life always so I can be my best self and in the best place to help those around me. I'm ready to "cling to my Savior" & and keep building and persevering towards who God wants me to be. I'm ready to be my best self, and live a the best life I'm capable of. 

Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

it is in the doing

"It has been said, that for evil to prevail, it is only necessary for good people to do nothing."

I taught a lesson last week in church on the subject "FEAR NOT TO DO GOOD." A talk given by Henry B. Eyering, and as I was studying through a few different talks related to this one, I came across this quote above from the talk "Do we trust him, hard is good." given by Stanley G. Ellis ... and it hit me like a TON OF BRICKS.  I think because I am guilty of doing nothing.. or getting distracted.. when I have felt like I should do something. Isn't this Satan's most powerful tool these days? To get good people to do nothing? Maybe I am not doing anything bad, but what am I doing productive? or helpful to those around me? I feel like there is so many distractions these days, from social media, to tv series, pinterest, the list goes onnnn there are so many things that can steal our time that aren't necessarily bad things.

There is hope though! We can find the balance. Yes there is a lot of evil in the world, but there is SO MUCH GOOD too!! There are SO MANY people to look up to who are "do'ers" who are fighting for the positive, the uplifting, the kindness, and the good. It made me really want to make a goal to be a "do'er", to fight to not let evil prevail. To follow promptings that I get, and to do my very best. That is all that is asked of us right? To be our best selves. not comparing our best to someone else's, but to honestly DO all that we can to make a positive, good, influence in the world.

These are just a few notes from the lesson that I want to rememeber. 

Quote #1

“Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.

Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

“Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven”

(D&C 6:33-37)

Quote #2 “Whoso recieveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand, and your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up” (D&C 84:88)

Elder Stanley G. Ellis “Do we Trust Him? Hard is Good.

A Dangerous World

Our world today is difficult. We have rampant evil, corruption in every nation, terrorism reaching even safe places, economic collapse, unemployment, disease, natural disasters, civil wars, despotic leaders, and so on. What should we do? Do we flee or fight? Which is right? Either choice can be dangerous. It was dangerous for George Washington and his armies to fight but also for our pioneer ancestors to flee. It was dangerous for Nelson Mandela to struggle for freedom. It has been said that for evil to prevail, it is only necessary for good people to do nothing.⁴

Fear Not!

In whatever we do, we should not decide nor act out of a spirit of fear. Truly, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear” (2 Timothy 1:7). (Do you realize the idea of “fear not” is emphasized throughout the scriptures?) The Lord has taught me that discouragement and fear are tools of the adversary. The Lord’s answer to hard times is to go forward with faith.

"It is in the doing not just the thinking, that we accomplish our goals." -Thomas S. Monson

our favorite bedtime story

When my oldest was a baby, one of my best friends gave us a book by Max Lucado, called "You Are Special." I had never read this book before, but it has become one of my kids favorite bedtime stories since we received it.

 If you aren't familiar with the story, it is about a small town where little wooden people named Wemmicks live. Each Wemmick is different, and they each have a box of these gold star stickers or black dot stickers, and they go around and stick gold star stickers on the ones that they think are beautiful or talented, and ones that seem to have little or no beauty or talents to them they stick the black dot stickers on them.

Well, there is this Wemmick named Punchinello and he has a ton of black dot stickers on him, and so he doesn't feel like he is worth much, and so he continues to receive these black dot stickers from others no matter what he does because he has so many black stickers on him. (sad right) So one day he meets a Wemmick that doesn't have any gold or black dot stickers on her.. some try to stick stickers on her but they wont stick. Punchinello is curious and asked her why and how no stickers stay on her? She answers by telling him that the stickers only stick if you let them, and that everyday she goes and visits with their Maker Eli. The man who made all the Wemmicks. Punchinello is so intrigued and wants to be like her, but he's not sure Eli, would even want to see him.

One day he decides to go visit Eli, and the man calls him by name "Punchinello! How good to see you, come and let me have a look at you." Punchinello was so surprised that the man knew his name.

Eli picks up Punchinello and says "looks like you have been given some bad marks." and Punchinello begins to tell him that he didn't mean to... but Eli says, "Oh you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think.... Who are they to give you stars or dots? They are all Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter... and He goes on to tell him how special he is and that he matters to him.

He had been hoping Punchinello would come to see him. He continues to tell him "The stickers only stick if you let them, the more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers." He asks Punchinello to come and see him everyday so he can tell him how much he cares. Then one of Punchinello's dots fall to the ground.

We first started reading this book in about 2009 and its crazy how relevant it is in 2018 ha! With all of the social media available where you post something online and people give you a like, love, dislike, haha, wow, sad, or angry face. Anyone can post any comment on your feed about their opinion.  Sometimes its hard not to care what other people think about you. If you don't get a lot of "likes" does that mean you're not likable?

Max Lucado was so inspired when he wrote this story, I believe the more we trust God's infinite love for us, and the more we "visit" him through prayer and drawing closer to him and our savior through studying of the scriptures, and serving those around us,  the less we care about others opinions of us, and the more we only care about our Heavenly Father's love for us. His love is infinite, and doesn't depend on our outward appearance, or talents and abilities.

Sister Joy D. Jones said it perfectly in her talk Value beyond Measure. "Let me point out the need to differentiate between two critical words: Worth and Worthiness. They are not the same. Spiritual worth means to value ourselves that way Heavenly Father values us. Our worth was determined before we ever came o this earth. Worthiness is achieved through obedience. if we sin, we are less worthy, but we are never worth less! No matter what we always have worth  in the eyes of our Heavenly Father."

President Russell M. Nelson Stated. "I promise you, that when you begin to catch even a glimpse of how your Heavenly Father sees you, and what he is counting on you to do for him, your life will never be the same."

Everyone plays a part

Today life felt Heavy. Simply because it is life. There is so much heartache and evil going on in the world its hard to watch the News. There are so many people struggling with different trials its hard on the heart.  I have felt like I have been in a positive happy place for awhile but today just felt different. I think we all have those days, maybe you have a specific reason life feels heavy or maybe its just because life is not easy for anyone and we all can get in a funk sometimes.  Its ok to feel how your are feeling if you are having a rough day, I used to try to suppress it and just keep going, which can wear you down after awhile, I think if you suppress your feelings too long you start to feel numb to things. Sometimes you just have to feel it while you keep going, so you can get through it. Remedying with uplifting music and just crying was helpful for me today. It also made our home more peaceful. Music is good for the soul.



This song specifically was what I needed and lifted my spirits. We are all so different.

We all have our own gifts and talents, but we all play an important role. Every one of us is GLORIOUS

It motivated me to keep trying to improve the specific gifts that I have and to keep playing the part that I need to play in this eternal choir.